The parent of this article is Jon’s challenge from The Bronze Kettle to five bloggers, including myself, to list five lessons learned from gaming. (If you’re curious, the other four Jon tagged are Girl Meets WoW, The Eternal Noobie, Alavennian from SinisterStrike.com, and Matthew Rossi from WoW Insider.) Jon, in turn, was tagged by The Game Dame, whose blog I have added to the recommended reading list here. And she was tagged by…well, you’ll just have to follow the links, as I will.
Now I could be trite here, and plagiarize myself: I’m sure I could come up with five great lessons from my 10 Commandments for Groups. But then you’d accuse me of copping out, and you’d be right. Or I could tap into my inner Johnny Carson (yeah, I’m that old) and rattle off a bunch of one-liners. But I’m not really that funny (well, not on purpose anyway). (Besides, that’s why we have TJ and Ratshag.)
Instead, I’m going to draw upon almost 20 years of online gaming (and more than 20 years of online experiences—my first 300 baud modem was hooked up to an Atari 800 in 1984 or 1985) to relate my online experiences and lessons learned to this thing we call "real life."
Lesson 1: It’s Just a Game
I was going to subtitle Lesson 1 as "Family First," but I know that may not apply in every situation. The point here is that WoW is not the most important thing in the world. Unfortunately for some, it becomes that. Gaming (long before WoW) almost became that for me. (To give you some perspective on how long ago that was, you paid hourly to play, PLUS, for many, an additional telephone bandwidth surcharge.) There were soccer games and baseball games and trips to the mall that I missed with my family because of gaming. Fortunately, I figured it out early enough that I still have a wife and sons who love me.
Don’t let the game become all-consuming. Is there something else you need (or want) to do tonight? DO IT. Your in-game friends won’t think less of you. (If they do, they aren’t really your friends, okay?). Moderation in all things.
Lesson 2: It’s NOT "Just a Game"
Huh?? But you just said…
I know, I know. But this lesson is for those who think what happens in game, stays in game. Understand this: The things you say and do to other people in game linger over time, unlike the boss mob you killed last night, that you’ll go back and kill again next week. HE doesn’t remember the hurt you did to him yesterday…or last week.
We all play with different ideas of what is "fun." And all of those ideas–yours, mine, your guild leader’s, that troll (or gnome) who corpse-camped you for an hour–are legitimate. Where the fun ends, however, is when you impact someone else’s negatively. Now I don’t mean the un-fun that comes from losing an Arena match, wiping on Moroes, or not capturing the flag in Warsong Gulch. Those things are part of the game, and if you can’t deal with those minor setbacks, then turn off the computer and get a book. Seriously.
What I’m talking about are the disputes over loot, guild drama, even the petty stuff about why you don’t play your hunter/priest/rogue the same way I do. These are real people we’re dealing with, not MOBs or NPCs. We all have feelings, opinions, desires, and yes, needs, within the game context. And when those come to the fore, it’s not in the context of "it’s just a game." And that’s when we need to take a step back, focus on what the real dynamic involved is, and try to understand why the game suddenly became more than "just a game" for the moment.
Lesson 3: Age and Maturity DO NOT CORRELATE
Well, except in my case. 
There isn’t much to say here. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had the very pleasant experience of meeting a pre-teen in game, who was at least as mature and pleasant to be with as anyone three times their age, or the equally disturbing experience (all too often, it seems) of encountering so-called adults whose behavior was on par with a 2-year-old’s temper tantrum.
Lesson 4: Yes, "Girls" (Women) Play Too!
Too many times, though, I see the attitude, "Unless I see a picture or hear a voice, I assume it’s a guy." Color me naive, or ignorant, or stupid. Or exceptionally fortunate. In my view, such an attitude is at best, sexist—regardless of who holds it. Better to be neutral, than be flat-out wrong a lot of the time. I’ve been blessed that many of the closest friends I’ve made in games were women. Most of the time, it’s pretty easy to tell which are the real women, and which are the pretenders.
I’ve also met a fair share of males (I won’t say "men" because at least one was truly just a boy) who did a reasonable job of passing as females. Some use the line I never accept ("If I’m going to stare at a butt for hours on end, I want it to be attractive)." Have you actually looked at the male NE model from behind, guys? And I’m definitely not buying that line when it comes to Dwarves, Trolls, and Undead. Let’s not even get started on Taurens and Orcs! I don’t have any female characters, because I’m already as in touch with my feminine side as I need or want to be. I don’t have to demonstrate it in a game.
In Asheron’s Call II, Horizons, and EverQuest II, I was in the same guild from game to game. I was the "first officer" of the guild, the GM was a woman. And she had "mad skillz," both as a player, and as a guild leader. Half the people in my current guild are women. I’m convinced the number of women playing is much higher than estimates I’ve seen (7 to 10 percent). If it isn’t, it should be.
Lesson 5: You Reap What You Sow
Another way of putting this lesson is as old as history: Treat others as you would like to be treated. What goes around, comes around. Karma is a harsh mistress. And just because the Internet, or WoW, seems "anonymous" (like the members of a mob are anonymous), how you treat others is real in the context where you are. Don’t be a jerk.
And now I will throw down the gauntlet to five others, to relate five lessons to us. So my request goes out to these five bloggers:
Join 716 eclectic readers.
Join the flock: Now 409 strong!
Tami (22)
Mazil (12)
Bre (8)
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Trizophenie (4)
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Great answers! Especially #4…hehe
All great responses. I, too, liked your #4. I do think it’s pretty cynical for people to automatically assume that the majority of female characters are actually played by men. It almost seems like a defense mechanism, lest they be “burned” by assuming a direct correlation between character gender and player gender. If you treat all players with equal respect and aren’t “on the prowl” for a relationship (be it brief or longterm), you shouldn’t need to worry.
That being said … I remember a guild that I joined in EverQuest. It was my first real raiding guild, and I stayed there for three years until I stopped playing the game. The guild leader played a female character, and I can remember thinking that it was so cool that a girl would be able to lead such a – what seemed to me – successful progression-based guild. I later found out to my disappointment that the guild leader was actually a male. We were married 2.5 years ago, though, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.
heheh…great story, Phae
Love #4..
Being a girl gamer since the days of the NES, many people seem surprised when I say that I own so many game systems, Killer Instinct is my favorite fighting game, and I will play a male character in WoW just to keep things fun!
Nice 5’s!
Ahh crap, I’ve been tagged, more words I have to write. Maybe I’ll just /faceroll on the keyboard, hey I am a Lock after all.
@Sherri: Welcome, and thanks! Had to chuckle at your “since the days of the NES” — that’s the first system I got my kids! (I had an original Atari Pong!)
@Megan: And you have such a hard time writing, too. :p
Done! Thanks for the tag
You apparently assume that all players relate to their characters in exactly the same way that you do. They do not.
My characters, unlike yours, are not imaginary forms of me. When I play a female character I am not pretending to be female. I do not have fantasies about being female. I am not “getting in touch with my female side”. My characters are not avatars or representations of me. They are not equivalent to children’s action figure toys. They are characters I coach, protect, operate and look after.
I find female toons more visually appealing than their male counterparts. I find their voices more pleasant and animations more pleasing than those of males. They stimulate my very male protective instincts thereby making their victories more sweet, defeats more painful while providing a heightened sense of danger. If I were gay my characters would be male.
This way of relating to a character is usually incomprehensible to those who identify with a character. You are way, way off base.
@ Ken
I am afraid you have made some assumptions about my assumptions: I assumed nothing; I merely related my observations.
You also apparently missed understanding that most of a paragraph was completely tongue-in-cheek. However, because I did go off in an unintended direction, I wrote an entirely new, subsequent article to clarify that tangential point.
However, I’m interested in what you read that led you to the observation that I’m “way, way off base,” since I was in no way trying to draw any conclusions. Where, exactly, did I state or even imply how I relate to my characters?
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